


the way it should be

by sakabelle



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Compliant, Hiatus, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-24 00:47:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12001425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakabelle/pseuds/sakabelle
Summary: Niall is lovely, Zayn has the voice, Harry is cool, Liam gets the crowd going… then there’s meNiall thought he was settled into the hiatus comfortably, but Louis' comments to the press about the band leave him feeling conflicted about his feelings for his friend.





	the way it should be

The hollow buzz of the tattoo gun is the only noise that fills the room.

 

“I fuckin' hate you,” Niall says, biting down on his bottom lip. He squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head down as the tip of the gun touches his ankle.

 

Louis' throaty laugh drowns out the sound Niall's trying to forget about. For a moment he forgets that he's sitting in the first room down the hall in a dark tattoo studio in Dublin. Forgets that Louis somehow coerced him into this. Forgets that in about an hour (or maybe less? He's not no idea how long this is going to take.) he'll finally have that god-forsaken screw branded on his ankle for life.

 

“You love me.”

 

Niall doesn't have to look up to know that a grin is plastered on Louis' face.

 

* * *

 

_Two months earlier_

 

Niall pumps his fist in the air and lets out a cheer when he steps off the stage in Chicago. “Yes boys!” he says with a laugh, looking around at his band. He still hasn't got used to it yet – being the one who runs the show. Maybe he never will. Before, he was just one of the lads. One of five, and then four, who were equal parts. Now he's the one with his name in lights, and the others are behind him. They're hardly disposable, but Niall knows full well that if one of them left it wouldn't be making any headlines.

 

He's got no time to dwell on that now, not that he would anyway. He'd felt his phone buzzing in the pocket of his jeans while he was on stage and now he pulls it out to check it.

 

Just one missed call, from Harry.

 

Niall stops walking. He stands backstage in the catering area and glances around. His first thought is to go find Liam. Which he quickly shakes out of his head. He taps down on Harry's name and brings the phone to his ear before he can even give it a second thought.

 

“Niall,” Harry's voice comes softly through the phone.

 

Niall rolls his eyes. Not that it does any good – Harry can't see him. He bites the inside of his cheek and reminds himself that his friend's had a rough week. That Robin's just passed away and he should really try his best to be as nice as humanly possible. “How's it going, then?” he asks, but flat is all he can manage. He can't quite make it to chipper.

 

“I...” Harry sighs on the other end, sounding like he's swallowing tears. “I'm sorry.”

 

Niall rolls his eyes again, and this time he wishes Harry could see it. “Sorry for what?” he snaps, his voice low so no one else can hear him. He glances around. No one's paying attention to him anyway. His band has already headed out to the bus, and the crew backstage is frantically getting things ready for the next set.

 

Harry's breath hitches in his throat over the phone. But Niall doesn't give him the satisfaction.

 

“Sorry for throwing all of us under the bus, then?”

 

“Niall-”

 

“No, Harry.”

 

He ducks behind a beam and leans against the wall. He watches everyone busy backstage. It's not unlike how it used to be with the One Direction concerts – but it sort of is. Given that his set is over and no one could care less what he does now. “I know you're upset right now, and I'm sorry for what's happened to your family. I really am,” he pauses and collects his thoughts. He also gives Harry a chance to speak, but he doesn't, so Niall just keeps going. “But you can't just call me and fucking apologize whenever you're feelings sorry for yourself and think that it's going to be okay. Jesus fucking Christ, Harry.”

 

Niall sort of feels bad for going off on him like that. But it's not the first time he has in the past year and it probably won't be the last, either. At least Harry seems to have composed himself on the other line. At least he hasn't broken down, because then Niall would just crumble and end up apologizing himself. That's happened before as well.

 

“Did you see what Louis said?” Harry asks after taking a deep breath.

 

“No,” Niall says quickly. Because he's stopped paying attention to what any of them say to the media long ago. It's all a load of crap anyway. That the band's ever coming back. That they all get on fine.

 

“You'd better go read it,” Harry says slowly. “He did this interview... just go read it.”

 

Niall narrows his eyes at no one in particular. He looks out at the crew again. He should probably get on his bus and get moving to his show in Michigan. “And where would I find it?” he asks instead, because he still can't let all of this go. As much as he wants to.

 

Harry sighs. “It's on 1DUpdates.”

 

Niall can't help but let out a sarcastic laugh. “Oh, is it then? Are you fuckin' serious? Maybe if you don't want to be associated with the band, you should stop snoopin' around on Twitter for updates about us.”

 

“Niall-”

 

“No, Harry. You did this, not me. Give my best to Anne and Gemma.” He pulls his phone away from his ear and taps the red button to end the call. He stuffs his phone into his pocket for a millesecond before pulling it back out and navigating to 1DUpdates on twitter.

 

_Louis Tomlinson: ‘Niall is lovely, Zayn has the voice, Harry is cool, Liam gets the crowd going… then there’s me’_

 

He raises his eyebrow and draws in a breath. If he'd kept up with smoking, now probably would have been a good time for a cigarette. But that was all over the first time he lit up at home and his mum smacked it out of his mouth.

 

That's probably a good thing, but at times like this he finds himself missing having something to do with his hands.

 

He scrolls through the article, frowning the whole way through. Obviously it's not anything he doesn't already know – notes about Jay's death, comments about the band going on hiatus. Still, when he reaches the last sentence his stomach is twisted up. Sure, he knows all of that. But he's never done an interview like that – telling the world exactly how it is with the band.

 

And he can't help it. He slips his phone into his pocket and walks off to go find Liam.

 

* * *

 

“I don't know why you're upset about this,” Liam says, handing Niall his phone. The two of them are sitting on Liam's bus, legs hanging over an empty bunk.

 

“Because it's wrong,” Niall says shortly. “He's anything but forgettable.”

 

Liam leans back onto the bed and puts his hands behind his head. “It's just marketing. You know how it is.”

 

“I guess,” Niall mutters, scrolling through the article again. Louis didn't even tell him that he was going to do that. Sure, they knew he was planning to release music. And yeah, promo's a part of that. But this? “Harry called me,” he says, changing the subject a bit.

 

Liam just raises his eyebrow.

 

“Said he was sorry,” Niall scoffs. “I let him have it.”

 

Liam mulls that over for a moment.

 

“What?” Niall asks, annoyance creeping up in his voice.

 

“Just let it go,” Liam finally says.

 

Niall rolls his eyes. Letting things go has never been his strong suit, and Liam full well knows that. And maybe he should let it it go – Harry was trying to apologize, after all. It's just that it's too little too late. And it's only happening because he's at home, and he's tired, and he's sad and he's reading articles that maybe tell a version of the story that's a little too close to the truth for his liking and his fucking image.

 

“He took all of us for a god damn ride, Liam.”

 

“I know.”

 

“If he wanted to go solo, he could've just told us.”

 

“I know.” Liam's hands are still clasped over his face as Niall rants.

 

“Instead he said he wanted to take some time off and come back to it next year.”

 

Liam sits up quickly. “Yes, I know. I was there. He sent all of us a text saying he was writing solo music.”

 

“Whatever,” Niall says softly, biting his lip. He doesn't even know why he's so upset about this all over again. He just played to a sold-out arena. It wasn't his own show and he'll never utter it out loud, but it's clear that most of the fans in the audience were there for him and Liam.

 

“Let it go, Niall. We're all doing our own thing now, anyway. It worked out, didn't it?” Liam asks, a hopeful lightness in his voice.

 

Niall shrugs and looks back down at the article on his phone. Yeah, he supposes it did. For him, anyway.

 

* * *

 

The bumps underneath the bus as it rolls along to Michigan are hardly what's keeping Niall awake.

 

Instead he's laying in his bunk and staring at his phone, reading Louis' interview for what must be the twentieth time. It's stupid, and he knows that. But every word sends a pang of guilt running through his chest. He darts back and forth between feeling like he could've done something differently and then realising that of course he couldn't have.

 

Finally, around 1:00am, he sends Louis a quick text.

 

_u awake??_

 

He stares at the conversation, waiting for the three dots to appear. After a couple minutes, they do.

 

_i am now you prick_

 

Niall rolls his eyes, but still he finds himself smiling. He wouldn't have expected Louis to answer any other way, after all. And instead of making small talk, he just launches right into it.

 

_H called me . Apologizin again... reckon your interview got t him_

 

Louis responds almost immediately.

 

_That would have required him to actually give a shit about the band_

 

Niall sighs. Yeah, that's what he thought too. But Harry was the one who pointed him to the article so...

 

_well he's the one who sent it t me what were u thinkin sayin that stuff anyway ?_

 

There's a long pause this time before Louis answers. So long, in fact that Niall gives up and starts scrolling through Twitter. Eventually, Louis' message slides down the top of the screen.

 

_I don't know._

 

Niall stares at the screen. That's how he knows it's time to let it go. Or at least hold off until he can actually see his friend in person. Because when Louis doesn't have a quippy remark it's serious. And Niall would rather not go down that path with him at 1:00 in the fucking morning when he's got a show the next day.

 

_U gonna be in london next month?_

 

He gets the next text back a lot quicker.

 

_Yeah all month. Promo and shit._

 

Niall nods to himself before shoving his phone underneath his pillow. He closes his eyes and tries not to think about the events of the last few hours. Instead, he lets the memory of the crowd cheering for him lull him to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Niall shuffles his feet outside of Louis' house in London three weeks later. After a whirlwind trip to Australia and Asia, he's finally back in London. He stopped at his own house for half and hour to drop off his things and have a quick shower and now he's standing out here trying to stifle a yawn. It doesn't work, and he's mid-stretch when Louis answers.

 

“Looking good, Nialler,” he laughs, his eyes crinkling at the sides just like Niall remembers. “Come on in.”

 

Niall steps inside, kicking off his shoes and glancing around. The walls are the same – Louis hasn't done much to change up the decor here. Not since the last time he was around which was... shit, it was a lot longer than Niall originally thought. Going back over it now, he doesn't think he's been by to see Louis since February.

 

“What brings you 'round here, then?” Louis asks, shuffling over to the fridge and pulling out a couple of bottles of Boddy's. He passes one over to Niall. Niall cracks it open, clinking the neck of the bottle with Louis' before taking a sip.

 

“You're not forgettable,” he says once he swallows.

 

Louis laughs a little bit and shakes his head. “What?”

 

Niall rolls his eyes. This is stupid. He tried to forget about it. Let it go, like Liam suggested. Only forgetting anything to do with the other boys is literally impossible when he's on a promo tour, since he gets asked about them all the time. “You're not forgettable,” he repeats, setting his beer down on the breakfast bar. “Christ, Lou.” he runs a hand through his long hair – he's going to have to get that cut sometime soon.

 

“You're still on about that?” Louis laughs again, taking another sip of his beer. “It was literally a month ago. Let it gooo,” he sings, finishing off the note with a smirk.

 

Niall stands his ground and looks at Louis firmly. “If you're forgettable then so are the rest of us,” he asserts. “'Cept Harry,” he adds bitterly, remembering that stupid phone conversation from the same night and all the others before it.

 

“And Zayn,” Louis adds, tipping his beer towards Niall.

 

“Right.”

 

“Are you all right?” Louis asks, narrowing his eyes at Niall. “Because you seem sort of... worked up.”

 

Niall grabs his beer back off of the marble counter-top. He doesn't know why he even bothered to set it down in the first place. “'M fine.”

 

“Then what're you doing here?” Louis presses. “Because you're standing in my kitchen and you're literally making no sense.”

 

Niall sighs and sets his beer down again. Maybe he's just being fidgety on account of being so tired and overwrought. “I dunno,” he says, which is true. He's not fine, but he doesn't really know what the fucking problem is either. “Tired,” he mutters. “Long flight.” That much is true.

 

“Go have a kip then.” Louis shrugs. “Can go upstairs.”

 

Niall glances towards Louis' staircase. Christ, a bit of sleep sounds really good. But if he's going to do that he should really just go home. Not that he should do that anyway, since it's only just about supper time. “Can't, gotta stay up to get back on the timezone.”

 

Louis chuckles at that. “When was the last time you were actually on the correct timezone? Christ, Niall. Just _go_.”

 

That's all the convincing Niall needs. He shuffles himself upstairs and steps into Louis' bedroom. He hesitates for a second – maybe he should just go home. But the bed looks so inviting and Louis did say it was okay, and he'd probably take the piss out of him if he walked back downstairs and declared he was just going to go home to sleep.

 

So he kicks off his jeans and crawls into Louis' bed. The sheets are soft and the duvet falls around him like a cloud. He lets out a satisfied sigh. It's not his own bed, but after months and months on the road it still feels like home.

 

* * *

 

“Mmph.” Niall's usually a heavier sleeper, but he stirs when the mattress dips beside him. He rolls over and glances upwards. It's dark now. There's a little bit of light streaming into the room, and with it he sees Louis standing at the edge of the bed.

 

“What time is it?” Niall mumbles, eyes dangerously close to drooping closed again.

 

“Just past midnight,” Louis says, crawling in beside him.

 

Niall just rolls back over. He should probably just go home, let Louis have his personal space. Lord knows that they've all lived in each other's pockets for long enough.

 

But he doesn't. He just rolls over and lets Louis lay down beside him.

 

“Goodnight, Niall,” Louis says softly. “Even though you're already asleep again.”

 

“'M not asleep,” Niall mutters, rolling over to face Louis. He opens his eyes slightly, looking over at his friend.

 

Louis chuckles softly as the two of them look at each other. “Why'd you come over?”

 

Niall sighs, his head still half underneath the duvet. Why'd he come over? Now that he's actually had some time to sleep and clear his head, that's a loaded question. Part of it was probably that Louis was wrong in that article. He was so fucking wrong and reading those words chilled Niall to the bone. Especially reading them after coming off the stage at such a successful gig. Hell, everyone knew the words to _On the Loose_ and the bloody song hasn't even been released yet.

 

Part of it was probably Harry, and his constant need to apologize for going behind all of their backs and signing a solo deal and then suggesting that they take a break because they're all exhausted, while choosing to eliminate that one little tidbit of information. Harry obviously still wants to be friends, and maybe he still wants to be in the band, he's never made that part overly clear. But what is clear is that he got a head fucking start on going solo, which meant he had a head fucking start in making it on his own, without the others.

 

Anger starts to bubble up in Niall's chest again.

 

“I don't know,” Niall says, because he doesn't know how to articulate all those thoughts that are swirling around his head in a catatonic state. Even if he knows Louis probably agrees with every single one of them. “You're wrong.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You shoulda gone solo,” Niall starts. “We all shoulda. We deserve to make a fuckin' name for ourselves outside of the band. Even if the band doesn't fuckin' exist anymore.”

 

“It exists,” Louis insists.

 

Niall scoffs at that. Does it, though? Does it actually? Zayn's off, and he's been off for the past two years now. Left in the middle of a tour, for fucks sake. So while he doesn't really count, he still had an impact. Harry's doing his own thing - “Born rock star,” they say. Even though Niall doesn't really buy it. Because Born Rock Stars – like Mick Jagger, who Harry idolizes so fucking much – don't do to their bandmates, hell their friends, what he did to them.

 

Liam's off recording singles with Zedd and Ed Sheeran. Making hip hop videos that look nothing like what Niall's used to. Niall's off with his guitar – because even the deathbed of One Direction couldn't pry that out of his cold hands. He's got two singles doing well on iTunes right now, and he's singing them both all over the world. And Louis?

 

Well, Louis is sitting with the press telling them how amazing all the other boys are. And how he's just there.

 

Niall hadn't noticed, but tears start to pool in his eyes as he goes over it all in his head.

 

“Jesus fuckin' Christ, Lou,” Niall says softly, a couple tears rolling down his pink cheeks. “You had that interview to promote yourself and instead you just used it to raise the rest of us up. You're still in the fuckin' band... even if the rest of us aren't.”

 

Louis reaches over and uses his thumb to wipe the tears off of Niall's face. “First of all, if you could try not to sob all over my new satin bedding, that'd be great.”

 

Niall actually laughs at that. But his face quickly turns downwards again.

 

“Second, obviously I'm going to speak highly of you lot. That's what a band does. Support each other when we're down.”

 

“We weren't down-”

 

“We are,” Louis insists. “We're all gone off in different directions. For a band called One Direction, I'd say we failed pretty miserably.”

 

Niall laughs again. Louis always did have such a way of turning a mess into a joke.

 

“I just wanted the world to see what it was really like... and yeah, I was a bit forgettable. You're all doing amazingly...”

 

“You are too,” Niall insists. “Lou, you changed our entire musical style. We woulda been another fuckin' Nsync if it wasn't for you. Just with way worse dance moves.”

 

Louis shrugs. “Got no musical direction to change now, do I?”

 

“Your new song is incredible. You're gonna smash it,” Niall says seriously. His eyes are open wider now, looking Louis right in the face.

 

Louis shrugs.

 

“Lou,” Niall continues, stressing his name. He shuffles over closer to him. “You deserve all the success in the world. Go get it. Don't fuckin' half-arse this because you don't want to compete with us. I don't give a fuck about the fuckin' chart. Go blow us all outta the water.” He stops for a second. “But especially Harry,” he says with a slight smile.

 

“Niall...” Louis says softly. His dark eyes are glistening, but no tears fall. Instead he leans in closer to Niall. “I could kiss you for saying all that,” he says, their faces barely a centimetre apart. Their noses touching slightly.

 

“Then do,” Niall whispers back, leaning in towards him.

 

They kiss, soft at first as they sink back into the bed. Niall shuffles in closer to Louis, their bodies tangled up together. Niall's leg bends in between Louis' nicely. They hold each other lazily, kissing their mouths softly and pecking at each other's cheeks every so often.

 

“God, Niall,” Louis breaths out as they clutch each other tighter. “How far do you want to go with this?”

 

Niall shrugs. He's never shagged a bandmate before – that was always a big no-no. But who the hell knows if that rule still applies anymore? He's slept with his fair share of guys and girls when they were on tour. “However far ya want.”

 

“Is it gonna make things weird?” Louis asks, pulling away from him and pulling his shirt over his head.

 

“Might,” Niall answers honestly. “But let's fuckin' do it anyway.”

 

Louis laughs. He reaches down and pulls at Niall's t-shirt. “I like the way you think, Horan.”

 

The two of them sink into each other, wearing nothing but boxers. Niall groans from on top of Louis, linking his legs with him as he starts to grind against him.

 

“Shit, Niall,” Louis moans, head thrashing to one side. “You really.. ah... you really know what you're doing.”

 

“Mmmm I reckon I'm not bad,” he laughs, then gasps when Louis thrusts hard against his cock.

 

Niall clings to Louis tighter, setting their rhythm as they grind against each other. The bed creaks underneath them as they move faster together. Their panting goes along with it, shallow breaths trying to catch up with them.

 

Louis reaches up and grips at Niall's hair. “Jesus, your long hair is fuckin' sexy,” he moans out, still moving against Niall.

 

“You like that do ya?” Nilll asks, before he gasps out in pleasure. “Jesus Christ, Lou,” he grits out. “I might fuckin' come like this.”

 

“You are such an easy mark.”

 

“Lay the hell off, will ya? It feels so fuckin' good. O-oh... oh god.”

 

Louis just laughs slightly as he clutches Niall's sides, holding him tight and moving faster with him. They're quieter now – banter pushed aside as they hold onto each other. Louis dips his hand into Niall's boxers, letting his fingers linger on the soft skin of his waist.

 

Niall whines as his dick pulses inside of his underwear, making a mess as his breath catches in his throat. Louis guides him through it as he nips at the warm skin of Niall's neck.

 

Niall comes down after a few seconds and sighs. He wiggles out of his boxers and throws them onto the floor. His lips meet Louis' again, and he kisses him softly before edging himself downwards.

 

“Niall...” Louis whispers softly, but Niall ignores him, planting kisses on his stomach before he pulls his friend's underwear down.

 

Louis arches his back when Niall takes his length into his mouth. He wraps his hand around the base and bobs his head up and down, flicking his tongue in the head.

 

“Fuck,” Louis groans, gripping at the sheets underneath him. “'M gonna come.”

 

Niall's not really in a position to make a witty remark back about how Louis is done just as quick as he was. He keeps his mouth stretched around his friend's cock as short spurts his the back of his throat. He pulls away after a few seconds, swallowing and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

 

Niall flops back down beside him and Louis kisses him on the forehead. “Wasn't expecting that,” Louis mutters, pulling the comforter up overtop of the two of them.

 

Niall just hums, closing his eyes and letting himself fall asleep to the beat of Louis breathing next to him.

 

* * *

 

Niall's eyes flutter open the next morning. Sunlight bleeds through the sliver in Louis' blackout blinds. He glances over at his friend – he's a sight to behold. Asleep on his stomach with his arms stretched out, head nearly consumed by the two fluffy pillows he's laying on.

 

Niall sighs to himself. This should be weird, but it's not. Not really. Maybe that's because Louis is still asleep though, and they don't have to talk about what happened.

 

He slinks out of bed and reaches down on the hardwood floor to retrieve his discarded underwear. He's one leg in when he remembers that he hadn't bothered to pull them off before making a mess in them the night before.

 

He glances around the room before sighing and walking over to the walk-in closet. They've shared clothes before, and now they've been naked together, so Niall convinces himself that it's definitely not weird to borrow a pair of Louis' boxers. He grabs a pair and pulls them on before he can think better of it and picks up his jeans and t-shirt from the floor.

 

After getting dressed he walks downstairs and stands in the kitchen. He glances at the clock on the stove. 5:43.

 

“Jesus fuckin' Christ,” he mumbles to himself, running a hand through his hair and trying to fix it up. So much for not messing up his sleep schedule. At least it's not any earlier than that. This is sort of a reasonable time. Even though he's not working right now and really should be taking this opportunity to sleep in.

 

He glances back upstairs. He's sort of hungry, but he doesn't want to just up and leave and risk Louis thinking that he's freaked out and run off.

 

But really, it's been almost a day since he's had a proper meal and god, he could really go for one at the moment. Scribbling a quick note saying he'll be back soon, he heads off in search of some food.

 

* * *

 

“What're you doing?”

 

Turns out, the note wasn't needed at all. When Niall returned with groceries in tow, Louis was still fast asleep upstairs. He set to work at cooking breakfast and figured Louis could just eat when he woke up. Which is apparently now, at 7:23.

 

“Cookin',” he says, shrugging his shoulders that he keeps hunched over the stove.

 

“I see that, thanks,” Louis replies, pulling open the fridge door and staring into it for a moment before shoving it closed. “Got any tea on?”

 

Niall nods his head in the direction of Louis' old brown teapot. The one that he's made tea in countless times before. The one that the two of them shared a brew from the night after the meeting where the hiatus was confirmed.

 

Louis shuffles over to the cupboard and fishes a mug out for himself. Niall tries to focus on the eggs he's frying up, but it's difficult when Louis is puttering about behind him – pouring milk and sugar into his cup and loudly stirring it all together.

 

He considers for a moment saying something about the night before, and then thinks better of it. Instead he stars plating their food – two eggs for each of them, potatoes covering the rest of the plate. More for Louis, because he'll bitch if Niall eats them all.

 

“Thanks,” Louis says quickly, before shoving food into his mouth.

 

Niall shrugs and starts eating as well. He pulls out his phone and stares at it, but every so often he glances up at Louis. His hair's still a mess from the night before. His t-shirt's rumpled and his eyes are still droopy with sleep.

 

“Tour, then,” Louis says, interrupting Niall's thoughts.

 

“What?”

 

“You're going on tour,” Louis repeats, stuffing another forkful of potatoes into his mouth. “With three fuckin' songs,” he finishes with a cheeky laugh.

 

Niall rolls his eyes. “I've got an album comin' out.”

 

“I know, I'm just taking the piss.”

 

Niall makes a show of rolling his eyes again. Even though he knows that Louis is just trying to get a rise out of him. “You gonna tour?”

 

Louis shrugs, scraping at the dregs of food that are left on his plate. Years of back to back interviews have taught them all how to eat quickly while still engaging in conversation. “Maybe. I dunno.”

 

“You should.”

 

Louis takes a gulp of his tea and looks up at Niall with a raised eyebrow. “Why?”

 

“Because!” Niall insists, even though he doesn't really know where he's going with it. He's just sick of Louis being unsure of himself and thinking he shouldn't be the star he deserves to be. “Because... what's the point in writing and doing promo and shit if you don't get up there and do a show?”

 

Louis leans back – so far back on the stool that Niall's sort of worried he's going to fall and land on his arse. But he doesn't of course. Louis' more agile than he leads on. “Ever the showman, Young Niall. I prefer to spend time in the studio and create something the fans will enjoy over and over again.”

 

Niall shrugs again. Louis has never been one to care as much about the shows. In the studio is where he always shone, if Niall remembers correctly. But he's also well aware that part of that is his whole level of confidence about performing live. In the studio, he can sing something twenty times until he gets it right. On stage he's got one shot. But he doesn't push it.

 

“Speaking of the studio, I've gotta get into it,” Louis says, standing up.

 

“It's Saturday,” Niall says, even though he knows that doesn't matter. Days of the week often get blurred for them.

 

“You know full well that's not a factor,” Louis laughs, tossing his dirty dishes into the sink without bothering to rinse them off. “You can stay here if you like.”

 

Niall slides off his own stool and rinses his plate along with Louis' before placing both of them in the dishwasher. “Should get back to my flat,” he says, even though there's no reason that's true.

 

Louis nods and Niall moves in closer to him. He touches him on the shoulder and pulls him in for a hug. His heart's pounding in his chest – he's torn between wanting to kiss him and knowing that maybe they should both just forget about what happened. That it was just because they were both tired and deep into worry about their careers and lives.

 

When they pull away they they stare at each other for a second. Louis breaks the moment by ruffling Niall's hair and grinning. “Don't be a stranger, Young Niall,” he says before walking off to get ready for his day.

 

“I wouldn't ever,” Niall whispers to no one but himself before leaving.

 

* * *

 

He sort of is, though. In between Louis' promotional tour and his own tour rehearsals in London, the two of them don't have much of a chance to cross paths. Even their group email thread dies off – despite the occasional note from Liam with a picture of Bear. Niall usually responds with an appropriate emoji and Louis with some kind of remark. There's silence from Harry.

 

A couple times it crosses Niall's mind to reach out to Louis, but every time he opens up their text conversation he's at a loss as to what to say. Which is weird – it shouldn't be that way. He never had a problem just shooting him a quick note before. But his mind is stuck on Louis more now than it ever has been.

 

He notices it the most when he's standing out on the golf course at the NI Open. His arms are crossed over his chest and he's watching Justin take a shot. It's only when Maura taps him on the shoulder that he reaslises he's been off in his own world.

 

“You alright?” she asks him, with a furrowed brow that only his mother can make look both intimidating and concerned.

 

“Huh?”

 

“That was one of the best shots of the tournament, and you've not cheered or anything. What's wrong?”

 

He shrugs. “Nothin'.”

 

She lowers her gaze at him which is a feat considering he's about a foot taller than she is.

 

He sighs, but he's not about to tell her he's kissed his best mate while he's standing out there on the green. Then he runs a hand through his hair and keeps looking out onto the green.

 

“Girl troubles?” she tries.

 

Niall rolls his eyes.

 

“Boy troubles?”

 

“Mum,” he hisses, glancing around to make sure no one heard that. Even though he knows they're far enough away that none of the fangirls watching him can hear their conversation.

 

She looks satisfied, obviously knowing she's hit the nail on the head. Patting him on the back, she laughs. “We'll talk later, then.”

 

Niall rolls his eyes. No they bloody won't. The last time he discussed relationship problems with Maura, she ended up telling Amy over dinner that her son really was a nice boy and that she really should give him a chance even though he was gone all the time.

 

But he's wrong, because they're sitting in her house in Dublin much later that night. Even though it's nearing 10PM, she's insisted on cooking rather than ordering in. So she's got chicken breasts in the oven and some cut up veggies on the table along with a pot of tea.

 

It's an odd combination, but it's not unlike his mother.

 

She pours him a cup and stirs a generous helping of milk into it. Niall just watches with his head resting in his hand, trying his best to look unimpressed.

 

“Now, tell me his name,” Maura says, sliding his cup over to him. “And get your elbow off the table.”

 

Niall rolls his eyes but drops his hands into his lap all the same. He stares out the window. No one's here but him and his mum. Chris has gone to sleep already and Greg declined her invitation to dinner, thank goodness. No chance of him walking in on their conversation.

 

“Louis,” Niall says dryly, because he can't not.

 

She raises her eyebrow. “So it's trouble with the band then. I thought you and Louis always got on?”

 

Niall sighs and puts his head in his hands. “We did. We do. I just...” he picks up his tea and takes a sip, contemplating just telling her everything. He chooses his words carefully, hoping that she'll just get it. “We had a one-off a few weeks ago.”

 

She gives him a look. “You know how I feel about that.”

 

Yes, Niall's well aware she doesn't approve of him sleeping around. That's why he never bothers to tell her about it and he doesn't understand why she always prods him into telling her about his love life. However non-existent it is. “I know.”

 

She sighs loudly, walking over to the oven and checking on their chicken. “So it's not good with him now, then?” she asks, sitting back down across from him.

 

Niall shrugs. “Haven't talked about it. Haven't talked at all, really.”

 

“He's been your friend for seven years,” she stresses.

 

“I know, mum,” he groans, strapping in for a lecture about how he's too quick to drop his trousers. He's heard it from her before and he's become something of a pro of tuning it out.

 

“No,” she says, reaching over and touching his arm. “You've been close for so long. Just send him an email.”

 

“A text, Mum.”

 

“Well, whatever,” she says, waving her hand. “So you had a romp, so what?”

 

“Oh my god,” he groans, covering his red face his with hands. He shouldn't have said anything. Should have just made up a story about some bird.

 

But she just continues, not caring that she's embarrassed him. “Just send him a _text_ like you normally would. I'm sure it'll be fine. Unless... you want it to be something more?” she asks, a tinge of hope in her voice. Because all she wants in life is for him to settle down.

 

Niall sighs. That's the part no one but himself can work out. “I don't know.”

 

“Do you think he feels the same way?”

 

“I don't know,” he says again.

 

“Well, I can't help you. But you could at least try to talk it out with him, instead of holding it all inside, yeah?” she asks, standing up again and rubbing at his shoulder before walking back into the kitchen.

 

Niall sighs. She's right. He knows that she's right, but that doesn't make any of this easier. He pulls his phone out of his pocket again and opens Twitter to look and see what Louis is up to. Even though he knows full well – he's only been looking at his page every day for the past month.

 

He's performing at the Teen Choice Awards that night. Niall stuffs his phone back into his pocket when Maura comes back and places a plate in front of him. He grabs a handful of carrots and puts them on his plate, chewing on one of the raw sticks thoughtfully. He'll have to set an alarm to watch that. Then he'll have a reason to text Louis afterwards.

 

* * *

 

It's 4:30 in the morning when his phone alarm goes off and wakes him up. He groans, pulling it out from under his pillow and shutting it off. Instead of going back to London, he's still at his Mum's house. So he trudges out of his room with his blanket draped around his shoulders to go watch the awards in her living room.

 

Thank goodness for that US satellite that he got her. Not that she ever uses it.

 

He curls up on her sectional and flips the channel on, making sure to keep the volume low so he doesn't wake her up. He dozes off throughout the show, too tired to worry about how odd it is to be watching these from the comfort of his mum's house instead of in the audience with the rest of the lads.

 

He's half-asleep when Louis and Bebe finally grace the stage at the end of the show. Forcing himself to open his eyes, he sits up when she starts to sing. And finally, after a solid minute Louis shows up too.

 

Niall smiles softly, watching him sing. A warmth fills his chest as he watches his friend. It's bullshit that he's not confident enough to go out there on stage by himself – because he's killing it and looks just as comfortable there as he did on their last tour.

 

Their performance is stellar, and when it ends Louis and Bebe hug tightly. Niall swallows, not wanting to admit to himself that he feels a tinge of jealousy. Even though he knows that hug means nothing more than friendship, he wishes he was the one to give it. Or at least there to offer another one.

 

He looks down at his phone and opens his conversation with Louis.

 

_Smashed it... how much did it kill ya t sing trouble instead of bullshit hahaha_

 

He stares down at his phone for a couple of minutes before a response comes through. Finally.

 

_So much... fucking fcc!!_

 

Niall can't help but laugh and he's halfway through trying to think of a reply when Louis sends him another message.

 

_Got 1% left... talk later Nialler._

 

Niall just tosses his phone to the side at that and flicks the TV off. He'll talk to Louis later – at least things aren't weird between them. Obviously it was all in his head. He closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

He's partway through tuning his guitar at a rehearsal later that week. The rest of his band is on a break, but like the perfectionist he is, he's hung back to try and work out what's not working with his sound.

 

He doesn't even hear the door open. “It's the E String,” a familiar voice says with a laugh.

 

“Payno,” Niall says without bothering to look up. “Wouldn't know a chord if it bit ya in the arse.”

 

Liam laughs and stands in front of him. “Ready for your tour?”

 

“Obviously not,” Niall mumbles. He's getting frustrated with his guitar now, and decides maybe it's a good time for a break after all. He slips it off his shoulders and places it on the nearby stand.

 

Liam just keeps smiling. “You'll get there. You never think you're ready, anyway.”

 

“That's because we never were,” Niall mutters, crossing his arms over his chest. “Done promo, then?”

 

“Yeah, back here for a bit to finish up the album. How's yours coming?”

 

Niall shrugs. The usual. Just like with his tour, he doesn't think he's ready. Doesn't think he's done. But he's had to cut it off at some point, otherwise he'd never get it out. He's already pushed it back twice. “It's comin',” is all he says, then decides he's got no reason to be standoffish with Liam. “Done as it'll ever be. Comin' out in the fall.”

 

Liam nods. “You always did like the November timeline,” he says with a laugh.

 

“It's a good one,” Niall says softly, trying not to feel any sort of bitter nostalgia about the band. “How's...” he coughs, sort of trying to psyche himself up, even though there's not real reason to. “How's Lou?”

 

Liam raises his eyebrow. “Dunno. Busy, I suppose. Just like the rest of us. We should try to revive the email thread.”

 

Niall rolls his eyes. The thread's dead, he thinks to himself. But he grins and placates Liam with a selfie to share all the same. Once Liam's done sending it, he looks back up at Niall. “Got anything going on, then?”

 

Niall raises his eyebrow, even though he knows what Liam's asking. Liam's such a married guy now – always prodding and wanting to know about his single friend's love lives. “Not really.”

 

“Oh come on,” Liam cajoles him. “You've always got the most interesting stories.”

 

Niall shrugs. “Got something kinda... stalled right now.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Liam perks up instantly, because he's always keen to hear about Niall's relationship drama. Even when there's really nothing there. “Like what? What'd you do?”

 

Niall shakes his head. His problems aren't always his fault! Not like how Liam likes to think, anyway. He's in no place to judge either – he's had his fair share of drama too.

 

“Nothin', just like a one-time thing but I can't stop thinkin' 'bout 'em,” he says, intentionally being coy about the gender because otherwise Liam's going to figure it out. However irrational that fear is.

 

“So just call her,” Liam says with a laugh. “This is why you never end up with anyone long term, you're too afraid of commitment.”

 

“Am not.”

 

“Really are,” Liam says, still smiling and pulling his phone out of his pocket when he feels it buzz. “But you'll sort it out. Hey look-” he shoves his phone into Niall's face. “Successfully revived the thread.”

 

Niall squints at the tiny letters on Liam's screen. It's just a message from Louis.

 

_Lookin good lads! Get a haircut, niall._

 

Niall runs a hand through his long hair. Yeah, he supposes he's a bit overdue.

 

* * *

 

This is stupid. He shouldn't be this nervous. It's just a show – he's literally done hundreds of them before. But this time it's different. He's not out there for one or two songs. Not even four songs.

 

He's got a full setlist and the spotlight on him and only him for the next hour and a half. He takes a deep breath as he walks out onto the stage. The capacity of the Olympia in Dublin is only about 2,000, but the crowd is so loud they do a good job of reminding him what a stadium sounds like.

 

He smiles as he presses his mouth to the mic and the guitar riffs go off behind him. The crowd screams louder and he can't help but grin. He's opening with _The Tide -_ a song they don't know. It's a risk, but the reaction of the crowd shows him it's the right choice. After the initial screams subside the theatre is quiet, everyone hanging onto his words.

 

The lights are so bright that he can barely see past the edge of the stage, which is good because then he can pretend they're not all watching this through their phones so they can post it to YouTube later.

 

The show gets easier as he moves through the setlist, peppering in a couple of songs that everyone knows for good measure. After three months, he's still shocked that the fans know the words to _On the Loose_ even though he hasn't actually released it yet.

 

When he comes back out on his own to do the encore, his throat tightens and his stomach twists. He didn't think that doing this would be this hard on his own. He rehearsed it hundreds of times with Gerry and the lads – but being up here on stage without Harry at his side ready to do his Mick Jagger impression, or Louis behind him with a water bottle ready to strike at any moment feels awkward.

 

He's got no choice now though, because he's already started picking at the guitar and the crowd's already recognized the song and shown their excitement through a collective gasp. He leans forward to the mic. “ _I'm like a crow on a wire...”_ It's his own line, so he doesn't feel sick about singing it. Maybe he wouldn't if was Harry's line either. Harry couldn't care less about any of them singing songs from the band. And he couldn't care less what Harry thinks – if he regrets anything or what.

 

But Liam and Louis? Especially Louis – the band is as much theirs as it is his. And standing here singing this song alone makes him feel sick. Because they should be harmonizing with him.

 

He hardly notices it when tears start to collect in his eyes. But damned if he'll let them fall. And his voice cracks when he sings Louis' part. _“And I know in my heart, you're just a moving part...”_ he croons out, trying his hardest not to think about Louis and how little contact they've had lately. This is shit, even if the fans don't think so. Louis sings this far better than he could ever hope to.

 

He resolves to text Louis immediately after the show's over and sort this out.

 

* * *

 

Backstage afterwards he's met with a resounding cheer and embrace from his band. And of course he's met with his family, who were watching the show from the back.

 

His mum hugs him first. “You were marvellous,” she says with a bright smile on her face, hugging him tightly and planting two kisses on his forehead. Niall shakes his head in disbelief. This is the most enthusiastic he's ever seen her – she wasn't even like this after their show at Madison Square Garden.

 

“He was alright.”

 

Niall's eyes widen as he notices Louis standing there. He's got his hands stuffed into the pockets of his trackies and he's wearing a cheeky grin on his face. “Lou,” he manages to get out.

 

“He sat with us for the whole show,” Maura says proudly, and Niall briefly wonders if she set this up. But his theory is dashed when she continues. “Plopped himself right down beside us thirty seconds before the lights went down. I'm surprised you weren't recognized,” she says, swatting at Louis' arm.

 

Louis shrugs. “Stealth like that, I suppose. Good show, Nialler.” He walks over to Niall and pulls him in for a tight hug.

 

Niall hugs him back, fighting the urge to kiss him in front of his band and his entire family. So he just pulls away and looks at Louis. “Ya didn't think it was weird?”

 

“Think what was weird?”

 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Fool's Gold.”

 

Louis bursts out laughing. He almost doubles over. “No, Niall. You worry too much.”

 

Niall scoffs. Yeah, he knows that full well. He's always been like that, he's just learned to get better at hiding it over the years.

 

“Don't... don't go anywhere,” Niall says to Louis as he turns to talk to the rest of his family. “Let's get a pint after.”

 

Louis nods. “I'm not going anywhere.”

 

* * *

 

An hour later, Niall's managed to get away from the insanity at the venue. He and Louis are sat in a pub and Niall's already downed one pint and is halfway through another. He promised himself he'll stop drinking when he's nervous – but that seems to have gone by the wayside.

 

He doesn't even know what the hell he's nervous about. It's fucking Louis sitting across from him for Christ's sake.

 

“Slow down, Horan,” Louis says with a laugh, sipping at his own pint. He's only about half-finished his first one at this point.

 

Niall dips his finger into a stray water droplet and drags it along the table. “I missed ya,” he says softly.

 

“I haven't gone anywhere.”

 

Niall scoffs. “I know that.” He leans back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest like they always are when he's feeling vulnerable. “I just hate doin' this on my own.” It's a lie, he doesn't actually hate it that much. Maybe he hated the idea of it in the beginning – but it turns out, solo stardom isn't that bad. It's kind of fun to be the one calling all the shots, actually.

 

But when he looks across the table at Louis, everything comes rushing back about the band.

 

“No you don't,” Louis says softly. “I watched you tonight. You looked perfect.”

 

Niall gulps. His mouth's dry and it's got nothing to do with the alcohol. “Come on, Louis,” he says, still insistent on this. “It was weird bein' up there by myself. Trying to keep the room under control on my own.”

 

“Hell of a lot easier without me and Liam messing about, wasn't it?” Louis laughs. “Without Harry grinding on you all the time?”

 

“Why are you doing that?” Niall snaps.

 

“Doing what?”

 

“Trying to convince me that I'm better on my own than I am in the band.”

 

“You _are_ ,” Louis insists. “Maybe we all are.”

 

Niall shakes his head and takes another swig of his beer. It's been almost two years since they've performed together and he still can't really let it go. “Don't know about that.”

 

Niall averts his gaze while Louis studies him. After a few seconds, Louis stands up and pulls at Niall's shoulder. “Come on,” he says.

 

“What?”

 

“Come on,” Louis urges him. “I've got an idea.”

 

* * *

 

“You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me,” Niall says. They've been walking for about twenty minutes before Louis finally stops in front of a tattoo shop.

 

“I assure you I'm not.”

 

“My mother'll have a fuckin' fit,” Niall says through gritted teeth, “if I show up with an arm like yours.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Okay, A, you're twenty-three years old. And two, you're not getting anything crazy. You're getting the bloody screw on your ankle.”

 

Niall shakes his head. “Can't get a tattoo while drunk.”

 

Louis snorts and then slaps Niall on the back. “You definitely can,” he laughs, pulling the door of the shop open. “Besides, you've had a pint and a half. I know you can hold more liquor than that.”

 

Niall continues glaring at the back of Louis' head. But it doesn't stop him from following him inside. And it doesn't stop him from shifting uncomfortably on his feet while Louis talks to the guy at the front.

 

Fucking Louis. Niall taps his feet nervously as he half listens to Louis' voice and half looks around at the colourful art on the walls.

 

“Well?” Louis spins around, looking at Niall. “You gonna do this or what?”

 

Niall sighs, but he knows he's going to end up doing it. Because if he doesn't do it now he probably never will, and then he'll never hear the end of it. Plus, even if he doesn't want to admit it, he really does want to get the stupid screw. So, he leans over the counter and signs his life away before being led into the back of the shop.

 

Louis follows behind him, and he's basically skipping with glee. He beams as Niall sits down on the leather seat and rolls his pant leg up.

 

Niall rubs his face and takes a deep breath as the artist looks down at Louis' ankle, and then draws an identical design on Niall's.

 

“Good?” he asks.

 

“Perfect,” Louis says, snapping his fingers.

 

The artist looks up at Niall.

 

“Yeh, good,” Niall says, his hand still resting on his forehead. His heart's pounding in his chest, and he's got to look away.

 

After a minute or so, the hollow buzz of the tattoo gun is the only noise that fills the room.

 

“I fuckin' hate you,” Niall says, biting down on his bottom lip. He squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head down as the tip of the gun touches his ankle.

 

Louis' throaty laugh drowns out the sound Niall's trying to forget about. For a moment he forgets that he's sitting in the first room down the hall in a dark tattoo studio in Dublin. Forgets that Louis somehow coerced him into this. Forgets that in about an hour (or maybe less? He's got no idea how long this is going to take.) he'll finally have that god-forsaken screw branded on his ankle for life.

 

“You love me.”

 

Niall doesn't have to look up to know that a grin is plastered on Louis' face. He bites the inside of his cheek and squeezes his eyes shut for a moment when the gun touches his skin. It doesn't hurt, not really. Just pricks at his skin. He opens his eyes and Louis moves in closer to him. The artist pulls away for a moment to add a bit more ink and Louis takes that opportunity to lace his fingers with Niall's.

 

Niall squeezes his hand tightly. He looks up at Louis for a moment before closing his eyes again.

 

“All done,” the artist says, and Niall opens his eyes.

 

“That's it?!” he asks incredulously.

 

The artist shrugs his shoulders. “Yup.”

 

He starts to rattle off a few more things, something about how to take care of it and let it heal properly. Niall's partially listening, but he's mostly concentrating on Louis hand still holding his own.

 

Finally, he slides off the seat and they walk back to the front.

 

“I've got it,” Louis says, pushing Niall away from the register. “It's the least I can do.”

 

Niall shrugs, but he doesn't put up a fight. Louis forced him into this, it's only right that he pays for it. He'll never say it out loud, but it's not like either of them are really hurting for cash anyway.

 

They step outside the studio and Niall stops, tugging the edge of his jeans up. “Doesn't look too bad,” he says, looking down and twisting his foot.

 

“Looks great,” Louis says, touching Niall's arm softly. “Now you'll always have all of us with you. Even if no one can see it,” he winks.

 

Niall swallows thickly. He can't help it – he glances around and pulls Louis in close before softly kissing him on the mouth. Louis wraps his arms around Niall and sighs into their kiss before pulling away slightly.

 

“You good?” Louis asks, playing with Niall's hair. “You really wanna do this?”

 

Niall nods slowly. He's only been imagining it for the past six weeks. “Yeh,” he says, sliding his hands down Louis' arms and gripping at his fingers. “All I can think about.”

 

Louis sighs happily, leaning in to kiss Niall again softly. “Come on,” he says, slinging his arm around Niall's shoulders as they start to walk. “Let's go back to my hotel.”

 

Niall smiles, leaning against Louis comfortably.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading x i don't typically write nouis, but I'm thinking I'll do it more often now.
> 
>  
> 
> [come talk to me on tumblr](http://sakabelle.tumblr.com)


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